Let me introduce you to my current squeeze: Jumbo Pink Banana Squash. I admire the way he spreads himself across the soil in a gregarious fashion. Fortunately JPB's a suggestible chap: with a well placed stick I can steer his intentions. He's currently flourishing between my pregnant sweetcorn, making himself useful - quite unlike his uncooperative cousin.
JPB doesn't suffer fools. His tendrils choke any passing miscreants. It's immensely satisfying to see him mete out justice on any nettles that try their luck.
I've recently discovered the story behind his moniker. You see his fruit are outsized: twenty inches long.
Wife is concerned. Me, I'm enjoying the spectacle. His absurd dimensions bring a touch of slapstick to the allotment.