Friday, 2 November 2007

Squash versus Man

Squash waited. For months he’d tormented Man.

Squash has a reputation for prolific growth. He’s known to envelop vast swathes of plot. But not this summer, not this place: the game was afoot.

Squash sniggered.

Man was confused. Why did this Goliath confine himself to single square foot? Perhaps he was sick.

Squash escaped. A fortnight before the close of play, he made a break for freedom. He burst from his prison across the neighbouring path.

Squash escaped

Man was perplexed by this strange turn of events. His books shed no light on this strange pattern of growth. Still, his optimism returned. Maybe he would feast after all.

The frost arrived.

Squash pulled the plug, deflating with unseemly haste. In a matter of hours he’d expelled all life from his lungs.

Man is disappointed. Maybe next year.

Squash knows better.


  1. Yep. Last year someone gave me a butternut squash plant they had spare. It romped all over my whole bloody plot. Totally shaded out my pea patch and a bunch of other things. Can you guess how many ripe squash I got off it before the frosts hit? None. That's how many.

    I grew a different kind of squash this year that was much better behaved, fairly compact growth as squash go, and it gave me dozens of delicious, huge round yellow squash. I'd love to grow it again, but I've no idea what it was. Someone gave me the seeds (can you see a pattern emerging?) and the top was cut off the packet, and so was the name.

  2. Blimey. At least my squash stayed compact. Must be pretty frustrating to see it run amok and still have no fruit.

  3. I had the same trouble with my courgettes, firstly I though they were cucumbers until mid Sept then it became apparent they were courgettes and they they died don't you just love allotment life!!

  4. It's certainly a rollercoaster, isn't it?


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